


Hello mum

by happierhere



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Pre-Relationship, Therapy, writing letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:55:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27649172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happierhere/pseuds/happierhere
Summary: 'Hello mum'Bill bites the end of her pen. She still isn’t sure why she was doing this. “Start a journal.” The therapist, had suggested. “It will help organise your thoughts. Bring some structure in the chaos.”
Relationships: Heather (Doctor Who: The Pilot)/Bill Potts
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Hello mum

**Author's Note:**

> I tagged this as Bill/Heather, but Heather herself doesn't "really" feature in this story. 
> 
> It's more about BIll, and how confusing suddenly becoming a companion probably is. So she writes her mother a letter.

_Hello mum_

Bill bites the end of her pen. She still isn’t sure why she was doing this. “Start a journal.” The therapist, had suggested. “It will help organise your thoughts. Bring some structure in the chaos.”

Chaos was an understatement. Since she’d discovered that her mentor wasn’t just Yoda-smart, but also Yoda-alien, her life had been completely turned upside down. Not in a bad way … but confusing.

Somehow the University had gotten wind of a part of it. A student disappearing. Her and her friends suddenly homeless. It was nice there were people looking out for them – for her. And she was willing to talk with someone, even though she couldn’t really tell them the truth. The therapist had actually been nice. And his tips had worked before.

But a diary? A bit teenager-y, no? Soon she’d be doodling hearts around the names of cute alien girls. Who she was bound to meet one day, right?

Letters had been his next suggestion. What better way to try and understand something, than to try and explain it to someone else? Bill rather likes that idea. It reminds her of the Doctor’s earlier teaching methods. When they were in his office and weren’t in mortal danger, he’d always let her figure things out for herself. Through books and essays, but mostly by asking question after question until she’d caught on. So she was pretty confident she could do this. Until she actually tried to put pen to paper. She forces herself to write some more. Starting with something easy, perhaps.

_So I’ve made a new friend. He’s part-cool professor, part-cat chasing a laser pointer. I think you’d like him._

She then remembers the box of pictures she has, and realises that nothing in her life is easy now.

_Actually, I think you did. Like him I mean. He took pictures of you, didn’t he? I saw his reflection in the mirror._

_I’ve been meaning to ask him about it. But I’m scared he’ll just lie. Or make a joke of it. I don’t think I could stand it, someone joking about the best present I ever got. I’m so glad I finally know how much we look alike._

Bill pauses. Her therapist said the letters were just for her. That she could hide them away from the world and never had to tell anyone about them. She could tell the truth then, right?

He’s an alien. And he _has a time machine you know. The Tardis. She likes dresses and a bit of trouble. She’s great!_

_I could ask him to meet you. The two of us, face to face. But that would be weird, yeah? Some grown woman coming up to you, claiming to be your daughter. And even if you’d somehow believe me, I’d sure as hell don’t want you to figure out that you weren’t around during my childhood because of that stupid accident._

She barely notices the tears falling on the page.

_Because I can’t save you. I’ve thought about it, standing in the Tardis, wondering which levers to pull to take me back to that day. But I know I can’t save you, because I know enough about paradoxes to know I’d just muddle things up further._

_So I shouldn’t meet you. Even though there is nothing in the world I would like more. What’s the point of having the universe at your feet, and not even getting to know you?_

This time she pauses to wipe the tears away before continuing.

_I know I can’t hurt you in that way. Thinking you’re going to die, sucks. But knowing it, without any doubt? I can’t even imagine._

_I’ve nearly died a few times these last few months. Killer robots. Being tied to a bomb. Almost eaten by a house. If you write it out like that, it sounds kind of silly. Like a movie. But it’s all real, mom. And it’s terrifying._

_You’re probably wondering why I do it then? I wonder as well. I can’t really give an answer, yet. I’ve almost died, yes. But I’ve never felt more alive either. Even if I do die on one of these adventures, I don’t think I’ll regret one moment._

Bill sighs.

_No that’s not true. I already regret one thing. But I’ll talk about to you about ~~her~~ it later. There is something I have to tell you about myself first. Something about who I am. Next letter, I promise. _

She stops a moment. How to end this letter?

She decides to use the words she wished she could have told her before.

_Love you,_

_Bill._

She looks at the page. Wonders if she should rip it to shreds or burn it. Last thing she wants is Moira finding it. She eventually decides to put it in her backpack and take it to the Tardis. Perhaps the time machine could help her find a spot to hide her letters. It felt like a safe place to her already.

There is a tear in her eye again. Weird, she thought she had wiped them all away already. She picks up her handkerchief again. And feels a little bit lighter than before.


End file.
